The Two Saddest Words In Any Language.
Living a day at a time and doing a thing at a time, then to the next one. Make a lot of sense.
But most times, we do multiple thing at a time fully expecting a good results all at the same time. Living in the past, present and future the same time. What an error to waste mental energy it would be, brooding over the past events and or worrying about problems that might develop at some future time and or might not, Later.
One sunny afternoon @ Ikeja, Lagos state, waiting inside an English restaurant, I was feeling frustrated and depressed. Several miscalculations, unprecedented predictions on my part, a project of considerable great importance to me had fallen through. I caused it, I wasn't careful enough had been the only words my head could echoed out through my mind. Even the prospect of seeing a dear friend (old buddy as I normally called him, as I privately and affectionately thought of him) failed to cheer me as it usually did. I sat @ one corner of the restaurant frowning @ the table water I had ordered.
He came across to me, his office were nearby. He is 65 year plus but still acted as a director to his health care foundation.
"well, young man" he said with his soft old smile, "what's troubling you?".
I didn't hesitated to telling him what was wrong, To some length, just what was bothering me. I tried to be very honest although I blamed no one for my disappointment, only myself. I analysed the whole thing, all the bad judgements, false moves, I went on perhaps for like 15 minutes. When I finishedu, he said, ''come on, let's go to my office, I want your reaction to something.
The old man, in his office, took a tape from his old Sheff, fitted it into the machine, then said ''listen carefully to this short recordings made by three persons who came to me for help. I want you to listen to the recordings and see if you can pick out the two word phrase that is common in all three cases''. Don't look so puzzled. I have my reasons. he smiled.
What the voices on the tape had in common, it seemed to me, was unhappiness. The man who spoke first evidently had suffered business failure, the woman who spoke next had a crashed in her marriage of 12 years and the third voice belong to another mother whose teenage son had been arrested by NDLEA blaming herself endlessly.
The old man switched off the machine and leaned back in his chair. ''Eight times in those recordings a phrase is used that's full of subtle poison. Did you spot it? He asked. No I answered. Well, he continued, perhaps that's because you used it three times yourself down in the restaurant a little while ago.
He removed the tape from the machine, topped it over to me. ''There, they are right on the label. The two saddest words in any Language''.
I looked down, Neatly printed in red ink were the words: "IF ONLY".
You'd be amazed said the old man the extent at which the phrase "if only" has been used by many. The trouble with "if only" he continued is that it doesn't change anything, it keeps the person facing the wrong way-backwards instead of forward. It waste time, energy and resources, in the end, if you let it become a habit. It can become a real roadblock, an excuse for not trying anymore.
Now take your own case, your plans didn't work out. Why? Because you made certain mistakes, well, that's all right. Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes are what we learn from. But when lamenting, regretting, you haven't really learn anything from it.
How do you know? I said a bit defensively. ''because" said the old man, ''you never got out of the past tense, not even once did you mention the future". Then I ask a bit prideful "well, what's the remedy?.
"Shift the focus" said the old man promptly. ''change the key words and substitute a phrase that supplies life instead of creating drag.
Do you have a any to recommend? I asked. ''certainly'' strike out the words ''if only'' and replace the phrase with "NEXT TIME".
i have seen it work minor miracles. As long as you keep saying ''IF ONLY'' you will always be in trouble. But when you say ''NEXT TIME'' you are a step to overcomeVa future occurrence of that same or similar problem.
The "if only" attitude leads to a full and uninspired reaction to things, but "NEXT TIME" signifies a positive and courageous attack on problems. Drop the ''if only'' mentality, pick up the "NEXT TIME" idea and you will have the ability to do your best and move ahead unharmed by whatever happens.
The most successful people learns to live in the present only but always headed towards next time.
But most times, we do multiple thing at a time fully expecting a good results all at the same time. Living in the past, present and future the same time. What an error to waste mental energy it would be, brooding over the past events and or worrying about problems that might develop at some future time and or might not, Later.
One sunny afternoon @ Ikeja, Lagos state, waiting inside an English restaurant, I was feeling frustrated and depressed. Several miscalculations, unprecedented predictions on my part, a project of considerable great importance to me had fallen through. I caused it, I wasn't careful enough had been the only words my head could echoed out through my mind. Even the prospect of seeing a dear friend (old buddy as I normally called him, as I privately and affectionately thought of him) failed to cheer me as it usually did. I sat @ one corner of the restaurant frowning @ the table water I had ordered.
He came across to me, his office were nearby. He is 65 year plus but still acted as a director to his health care foundation.
"well, young man" he said with his soft old smile, "what's troubling you?".
I didn't hesitated to telling him what was wrong, To some length, just what was bothering me. I tried to be very honest although I blamed no one for my disappointment, only myself. I analysed the whole thing, all the bad judgements, false moves, I went on perhaps for like 15 minutes. When I finishedu, he said, ''come on, let's go to my office, I want your reaction to something.
The old man, in his office, took a tape from his old Sheff, fitted it into the machine, then said ''listen carefully to this short recordings made by three persons who came to me for help. I want you to listen to the recordings and see if you can pick out the two word phrase that is common in all three cases''. Don't look so puzzled. I have my reasons. he smiled.
What the voices on the tape had in common, it seemed to me, was unhappiness. The man who spoke first evidently had suffered business failure, the woman who spoke next had a crashed in her marriage of 12 years and the third voice belong to another mother whose teenage son had been arrested by NDLEA blaming herself endlessly.
The old man switched off the machine and leaned back in his chair. ''Eight times in those recordings a phrase is used that's full of subtle poison. Did you spot it? He asked. No I answered. Well, he continued, perhaps that's because you used it three times yourself down in the restaurant a little while ago.
He removed the tape from the machine, topped it over to me. ''There, they are right on the label. The two saddest words in any Language''.
I looked down, Neatly printed in red ink were the words: "IF ONLY".
You'd be amazed said the old man the extent at which the phrase "if only" has been used by many. The trouble with "if only" he continued is that it doesn't change anything, it keeps the person facing the wrong way-backwards instead of forward. It waste time, energy and resources, in the end, if you let it become a habit. It can become a real roadblock, an excuse for not trying anymore.
Now take your own case, your plans didn't work out. Why? Because you made certain mistakes, well, that's all right. Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes are what we learn from. But when lamenting, regretting, you haven't really learn anything from it.
How do you know? I said a bit defensively. ''because" said the old man, ''you never got out of the past tense, not even once did you mention the future". Then I ask a bit prideful "well, what's the remedy?.
"Shift the focus" said the old man promptly. ''change the key words and substitute a phrase that supplies life instead of creating drag.
Do you have a any to recommend? I asked. ''certainly'' strike out the words ''if only'' and replace the phrase with "NEXT TIME".
i have seen it work minor miracles. As long as you keep saying ''IF ONLY'' you will always be in trouble. But when you say ''NEXT TIME'' you are a step to overcomeVa future occurrence of that same or similar problem.
The "if only" attitude leads to a full and uninspired reaction to things, but "NEXT TIME" signifies a positive and courageous attack on problems. Drop the ''if only'' mentality, pick up the "NEXT TIME" idea and you will have the ability to do your best and move ahead unharmed by whatever happens.
The most successful people learns to live in the present only but always headed towards next time.
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